Tuesday, August 10, 2004

I'm Soo Fucked

"These words I write to keep me from total madness."
-Charles Bukowski

91 comments :

Em said...

Damn.....the plot continues to thinken. Wow, CB - I cant even imagine how much this blog has or will affect your life. Whatever you decide to do (wheather you continue or not)you already know how you have affected everyone elses life...pretty amazing considering that you are on the otherside of the world.

By the way, the reason why your counter disappeared is because your hits a day exceeded the amount aloud, or you would have the choice of paying to still have that counter. But it really doesnt matter now, you know that word on "MY War" has spread like wild fire, and you will continue to have people looking at this stuff probably for years to come.

Good Job, CB - you didnt even realize what you were doing by this. But my family has gained a new friend, and several others since doing this.

Anonymous said...

I second everything that Bonnie said...we have gained a friend-- a friend that we worry about all the time! I have faith that you will continue...you are the star of Mosul. I think it rocks that the Pentagon is reading --Hi Rummy!
Be proud that you have touched this many people...I think they just want to make sure that you don't 'pull a Geraldo' over there...
I await tomorrow's post.

Chris Ash said...

If your popularity is anything to go on, there will be a shitload of disappointed fans if you stop writing here. I feel that you're opening a lot of hearts and minds and that your writing is doing a lot of good.

That said, do what you have to do. Don't stop writing even if you aren't posting (save 'em as drafts and publish 'em when you get home)

Good luck, you're in our thoughts.

Kat said...

Dude...he loves it. Keep writing. If you had done anything to endanger your mission, you'd be already busted. Right now, you just giver what amounts to "after action reports". You'll be fine.

Of course, you are known now. So you can't fuck up and be anonymous like you were before. But hell, you want to be nobody the rest of your life? You gotta take some chances.

Now get out there and write.

Chris Ness said...

Man, you have hit some seriously deep notes here, and you tell it like it is, no flowerly language, I compliment you on your writing.
I sincerely hope that you keep up this blog, as long as there is material for it. If not for us, then for yourself, as therapy. I love the insight you give, and I will pray for you and your fellows over there.
Keep it up, seriously.

Captain Holly said...

Don't give up writing. Your blog is priceless.

And don't give up hope, either. There are alot of people here who are praying for you and your comrades.

We believe in you.

Oscar S. said...

Keep it going. Myself and my buddies are about to deployed and look to this site (amoung others) for a source of info. Infantry always.....

Will said...

Love your blog. A lot. I think it is extremely well written and gives us an insight that is sorely missing from the media.

But, as a vet (former 82nd Airborne 4/325th) I gotta also respect the tough choice your BC is making.

I hope you continue to write it. I'd venture to guess that they won't hinder you much at all. They gotta lot of lives to look out for, your's included.

Good luck, soldier. Come home safe. And thank you to you and all the other members of the Armed Forces who are putting it on the line for those of us back home.

The Oracle said...

CB - You are exactly what the American people need to understand what we're doing in Iraq and why it's absolutely essential that we give you guys everything you need to stay safe and do your job.
You are quite possibly the best and most powerful voice the Army has right now. Your BC has a duty to make sure no mission-compromising information gets into your posts, but I'm sure he recognizes you're professional enough not to let that happen. I think he's a fan, just like me and thousands of other readers. He's just exercising due diligence while giving you the green light to carry on.
I pray that everyone up the chain of command from you understands that interfering with your posts would be a public relations blunder of the worst kind.
And, yes, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (the book) was brilliant - it has the best first paragraph in 20th century American literature - but the movie sucked.
Just keep fighting and writing and don't worry about the rest of this shit. It'll all take care of itself.

Ayatollah Ghilmeini said...

Young man, don't you dare stop writing. The service you are performing everyday on this blog could literally win this war at home. The American people get fed lines of hooey every day from the media; you just tell your story.

Your BC just told you the entire army was watching your efforts, do them proud, keep writing. You got called into his office because someone way high in the pile wanted to send you a message- you are doing fine.

If you were whining, pissing and moaning, he would have come down on you like a ton of bricks. Instead he just asked you to make sure you didn't do anything that might hurt the troops.

Write lad. Write! Do it for your your fellow soldiers and do it for the truth. Don't let up, not for a second.

If I might suggest, contact the Washington times, the Detroit News and the Wall Street Journal, they might pay to sydicate your blog in print.

Good luck and come home safe.

Poonchance said...

CB-
Your commanders have made a wise choice. Of course you're not going to compromise your unit or mission. I think having your Plt Sgt look over your stuff before your post is a good compromise so that they have there asses covered.

Your accounts are real. They are graphic, uplifting, scary, raw and inspiring. Sure, you inject your opinions. You're not a reporter. But this first person view, with good and bad stories, makes me feel more that our country is doing the right thing over there. I think it's because it's honest writing. And it sucks when you right about fellow soldiers getting hit...but if you know the story behind it, rather than a CNN body count, it means so much more. That's the difference. Your commanders hopefully know this. You've put a "face" on this for me...and I wish you well.

BTW....No pressure!! Ha....

Peace out...and keep rockin.
AP in the NYC!

Anonymous said...

Man, I just about had a heart attack reading that blog, CB! All those situations in my life where I knew shit was about to explode came back to me. That damn sinking feeling.

I'm still a little wired from reading that. I'm sipping on my coffee VERY slowly this morning.

I was a young boyo in the late seventies and early eighties, so I dig all your music references too.

*

DarwinianReject said...

If nothing else convinces you, maybe you'll pay attention when someone attacks your wallet. Can you imagine all the free time you'd have if you stopped writing in your blog? You'd have to buy a lot of DVDs and books to fill that void. Cash money that could be well spent of huge kegs when you get back home.

Besides, you obviously have THOUSANDS of loyal readers. Some very GIVING loyal readers. More free stuff dude!

As far as that O-6 is concerned, he'll read the rest of your blog and realize that there is no OPSEC violations.

Speaking of cash money: ever consider what this blog could do for you? Sorry. It's just the capitalist in me.

Keep safe and KEEP WRITING.

Phoenix_Blogger said...

CB- Thanks and best of luck!

firstbrokenangel said...

NO NO NO NO NO!!!! CB - NO!!! Do not stop writing - ever!! Keep doing it - you have so many fans, so many people who care about you, so much to give and share and it's excellent. (I did tell you I'd do the editing and then you could send it in to get a book published!) You cannot stop! Absolutely not - write it all down, keep it all down and don't let it get censored. You need to do this; it is also the BEST THERAPY in the world. Not only have we learned about you, cared about you, boosted your morale, but we worry when you don't post. You haven't given anything away or any name out - are you kidding me, do not stop, I beg of you. We need you and you need us!!! Like that OP you did where you had to break into some person's home with his wife and kids sitting there having dinner - he was a bad guy and you guys took him out but you never said who he was or why he was being picked up so that's a good example of not giving out info that would bother or hurt anyone. This is good for you and it's great for us. My God, the love and support and encouragement given to you by all of us brings tears to my eyes. It's like 'ADOPTING A SOLDIER' but better and you can't give it up - no way in hell can you give it up - the world is reading you now and we all want to see this published some day but mostly, we have cared about you and your experiences, your humor, and grateful for not only being in IRAQ protecting our freedom and our rights - which are the same as yours even if you are in the Military!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's your first amendment right as it is for the rest of us. It's the first thing I do - I check in - you are a desktop item and I check every morning and every night to see your post or posts. There is nothing in what you've ever written over the past three months that would ever danger your base, your unit, you or any other soldier or an Iraqi people. My God, CB, it's the thing that keeps me going. You have not let anything out - those kinds of things you leave on the wordpad or notepad - so you can get to it later and add it in before you send it in to be published. CB, I would go nuts if you didn't write. I, like you, have read other soldier's posts, and you're right, it's like reading a recruit folder. That isn't what we need or want and it's not you. You could be a millionaire after you get back and get published; you are an excellent writer and you have let us into your life and your experiences and that, CB, is a GIFT!!!!!! Take full advantage of it, please, and DO NOT STOP WRITING AND NO ONE HAS TO READ IT BEFORE YOU POST IT, PLEASE. If you feel that you're scared and don't want to post, pick someone to send it to so they can hold it for you BUT pleazzzzzzzzzzze don't stop writing and posting and allowing us into your life. You are not doing anything wrong - you've created something that is absolutely marvelous. My God, the fighter pilot who got shot down as you guys came into Iraq - the young one - is now a CNN consultant plus he has his own show at times when he does interviews and he has other projects going for him as well. He visits newly homed people. He goes to counseling sessions for soldiers and he is making money hand over fist just because he was kidnapped, found later with others, and had an opportunity opened to him because he had a knack for it and now works for CNN and others as well. THAT IS WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO YOU. And WE are going to continue to follow you even when you come home. No one needs to see what you write and say, okay, you can post that - you know better - you know what you can't say or do that's why I said to put that other kind of info on the notepad or wordpad for future use, but when you write, we are right there with you. And with all the prayers and all the love and support you are getting, it's like you have a protective barrier over you to keep you safe from harm. DO NOT LET THIS BE YOUR LAST POST. Please.....you mean so much to all of us and even tho the world may be reading you now and whom will continue to read your stuff every day..... you have every right to let us in and let it out and it's not harming anyone or the military. I've gone back to your very first post and read everything from there on up to the present and you have a GIFT that no one has the right to take away from you now or later. You aren't giving out secrets, you are not hurting anyone, you aren't telling the enemy anything, all you're doing is writing a journal about your experiences, without names, relieving everything inside you, so NO, CB, do not stop. You have to remember, we CARE about YOU. Do NOT give up or give in; you have nothing to fear, so take a deep breath, in, out, in, out, in, out, hold your head high, carry yourself with the dignity that you deserve and have and know there are probably millions who care about you, look forward to your posts, irregardless of what you say and I do not want to see ANYTHING change!!!! Your gut instinct, your gift, the fact that you can bring us right into whatever you are doing, makes you the greatest writer in the world right now and that is something you just cannot give up. If your commander wanted you to stop, he would have said so - but irregardless of the military, you have an integral right to write - an thereby not mentioning names and stuff, you are not putting anyone into danger. You've made quite an impression on us, on those who read your posts, and I'm sorry, I'd be lost if you stopped. It wouldn't be right. What you are doing is fantastic and I'm really passionate about what you say and yes, most of us have linked to you and told others to link to you - one guy wrote on his blogroll that your site "rocks" so he did read it as well but you can't stop. Hell, we don't even know your name but we will when it gets published. You've got a future even if this is the only thing you ever write and publish. Then it will be carried in libraries for others to read later in time, then history books. You are invaluable but most importantly, you are invaluable to your fans. WE CARE ABOUT YOU and when you post every day, we know you are OKAY. When you don't - like Sunday both 91ghost and myself made mention of it, so don't stop and don't give up and hell, don't be afraid of the brass. You're not talking politics, you're talking about YOU and your experiences. We've adopted you, CB and we're behind you 220%!!! NEVER DOUBT THAT. Never doubt it. All the way, we are being you, all the way and there is nothing the govt, the military or anybody has any right to say you cannot do this, so do not stop - ever!!!! I am not kidding. So take a deep breath, do not be afraid or intimidated, and just continue being you - curses and all.

Hugs

~ C

Allison said...

Whether or not this is you last post on the blog, I enjoyed getting to read your experiences. If you write the book I'll read it. I had good laughs reading this post and all you previous ones. It is like you dodged a full magazine, I would have been scared sh*tless too :). This is like a story with a happy ending, I'm almost in tears. My best to you, CB. I am proud of you and it is a pleasure to know you.

I can imagine you must be overwhelmed with everything, but you will do what's best for you. You and the troops are in my prayers for strength and safety.

Alex Perez said...

No, don't stop writing! You should just take their advice and allow someone to look it over. For whatever they tell you to take out, just post it in another private account, and when you get out of the Army, you could publish the whole uncensored truth in a book.

liminal said...

It would truly be a damn shame if you stopped your blog CB. So, please don't. At least continue writing for yourself and publish it later. And you definitely should publish. You have a really unique voice. So, don't slow down for anybody.

your iraqi-american comrade-in-words,
lim.

Sara said...

CB--you are the stuff of legends...I have so many analogies running through my head about your current situation (getting "caught"), but, really, they don't matter. I too about passed out when I read the title of your post. As ridiculous as it sounds, I felt stressed out reading your description in much the same way that you did "getting sent to the principal's office." I think we are all impressed with how many different kinds of people you are reaching and affecting (wow, the Pentagon!), but the one I am most impressed with: the fact that one of your fellow soldiers was sitting right next to you, reading your words, without a clue as to who you are. It's...well, the word "magical" comes to mind. That soldier, and the other soldiers who are reading this, need you more than we back home do. I think you are doing a far greater service to them than you realize (read: MORALE). Would I like it if you stop posting? Hell no. I'm almost embarrassed to think how obsessed I am with your blog. But, I'm sucked in. I think it's more than obvious now that we want you to produce a book when you come home. But if you can't, just GET HOME SAFE anyway. Keep writing, whether here, or through email (email yourself your posts if you have to!), or an "old fashioned" journal. Your whole experience in Mosul, heck, even your time in the army, has been transformed by your writing. Who woulda thought that it would take a trip around the world to go fight in a war to produce an amazing, talented writer? You never thought of being a writer before, it's just kinda happened. That's vocation, pure and simple. Regardless of whether you continue your blog or not, you now have more opportunities than you ever thought possible. That is a gift. You gave us a gift, and we want to return the favor. It's freaking Christmas practically, the way you are being offered things left and right. You're right: there are an amazing amount of good people out there. We know you aren't doing this in the hopes of someone footing your college tuition bill, or making you a rockstar, or whatever. You started this as a response to the "pure garbage" that you encountered. You wanted to present the truth. Beyond fighting for your country, what's more noble than that? I'm also beginning to blather, like a previous poster said, but damnit, it's because I/we care about you more than we even understand ourselves. I can imagine if you got shut down, there would be a petition for your re-instatement overnight. And you know what? If the Pentagon reads you (it's funny to think of a building as an entity), and finds no issue, well, you're doing fine.

P.S. I keep meaning to email you about some books I want to send you--and I better do it now, so you can have some new material to read if you do end up with a lot of free time. ;)

Rich Maclone said...

Hey man, just found your blog by accident. I hope you keep writing, it's good for the soul. May God bless you and your fellow troops. I hope the war ends tomorrow, but until it does I hope Jesus protects you and your friends and your brothers in arms. If you ever get to Cape Cod, you drink for free with me and the boys

firstbrokenangel said...

see? You couldn't have more support if you asked for it - you got it and I agree - we'll pay the $2.00 an hour! I am not kidding; for everyone if necessary but you know how to pull us in with you and that is a true gift. You'll do fine, just relax and don't worry about it - besides you're not giving out secrets - or names - a good writer is YOU.

DO NOT STOP WRITING - CURSES AND ALL!!

AGAIN...

~C

Pat in NC said...

Since you are paying in order to post, I assume you do not have a laptop computer. If you have to submit your copy before posting, that would be a problem. Rather than donations toward hourly fees, getting you your own computer would be better. Is there a computer and printer available in the command center? If they want to proof your copy, request access, write, save,print and then post when okayed. Please keep writing for the emotional release it must give you. God bless you and all of our troops.

Some Soldier's Mom said...

CB... Please do not stop blogging. Two of my sons are in the service and one is on his way to the Box now... Your blog is a link to him (though not in a Stryker Brigade) and to all the other soldiers we support whole heartedly. We have a huge family of doctors, nurses, lawyers, mailmen, computer geeks and we ALL read your blog. You really are the no. 1 spokesperson for the Armed Services at the moment. Keep blogging, CB. You'll be glad you did. WE'LL be glad you did. It is a real service to us all.

K2ENF said...

No reason to stop at this point.
Sounds to me like the man was trying to avoid leaving you the impression you'd been chewed out, here.

I'd take it at that, and keep going... but I would have the stuff cleared, as he says, first. Not that I think you'd ever endanger the guys your with by intent, but ya never know. And anwyay, letting them vet the stuff seems a reasonable policy, given the conditions you're dealing with.

(Shrug)
Keep going.

Ruth Douthitt said...

CB- What you need to do is write a really complimentary post about your BC...you know, about his life and courageous military service to our country! Wink, wink.

Just kidding.

YOU MUST KEEP POSTING! Please keep writing. You are doing your country a great service by keeping us informed with the truth...it is the TRUTH that sets us free.

Write for yourself and your own peace of mind. We all support your efforts and pray for your safety.

God is indeed with you!

Em said...

Dangle that F'in carrot, CB.

alix said...

well, i s'pose this is gonna be comment number 951, so noone's gonna read it, but i thought i'd give it a shot...

cb, you scared the shit out of me! but i heartily commend your BC for his restraint and wisdom. guess he likes seeing someone tell the truth, too, because he's prolly tired of the watered down version the press is producing (emphasis on producing, btw).

anyhoo, when this war began, i considered myself a pacifist. apparently not a staunch one, as it didn't take long reading your blog to turn my head around. mind you, there are about as many opinions on this war as there are elbows, but the common ground is that we support our brothers, sisters, fathers, sons, third cousins (you get the idea...) who are over there fighting the good fight.

the media does a HUGE disservice to our country by not telling the TRUTH, good and bad. you, sir, have rectified that. i hope one day that i'll be able to hear your name, see your face, and say a silent prayer of thanks for what you have done, for me and thousands of others.

if you do not write another word here, write it for yourself. make the experience serve YOU. blessings abundant to you and your wife. i'm still be praying for you and your fellow soldiers every night...

from the lonely woman/soccer mom - now who's busted? ROFL!

Anonymous said...

CB, since I found your blog I've gone back and read every post and I've sent the link to everyone I know. As has been said already on here, the choice is yours and you can only do whats good for CB. BUT... know that you have an army of fans out there that will keep reading and supporting if you need it. Thanks for all you and your brothers over there are doing.

And if you find yourself on a layover in D/FW airport on the way home let me know and the beer is on me!

Melodee said...

I found your blog two days ago and read you quoted in the Tacoma News Tribune this morning. I hope you never stop writing, ever. Keep up the excellent work.

Fermina Daza said...

NO! Don't stop blogging! I just found your site THIS WEEK and I'm loving it. My husband is loving it. Keep blogging!

jenden said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Zosocrowe said...

It would sadden me to see you stop blogging. The words you write are real, honest, and truthful...the exact opposite of what we are fed over here in the US by the various medias. People here want to hear the truth. They want to know what's going on. You have given us all a window to see. For that, we are indebted to you. Keep writing. Keep posting your thoughts, your feelings, your experiences. Not necessarily for all of us, but for yourself as well. Stay safe.

Jerry said...

Man, I hope you'll consider some input from a retired AF guy who got a LOR seven years back for having completely unclassified information on a free web page for my unit. You've got a chain of command that appreciates your efforts - and this experience won't hurt when it comes time for your next stripe or performance eval.

Keep writing. It's good for us all.

J. Lawson
10 years active AF
13 years AF Reserve

J.D. said...

As somebody who worked with your BDE CO a decade ago I can tell you he is one of those guys who always does the right thing. You can trust him. If he wants your PSG to read before posting that is for OPSEC and for the families back home. You should continue writing - he wants you to do so. He wouldn't be an officer worth crap if he lied to you - an officer shouldn't lie, cheat, steal, or tolerate those who do. If he said you can keep writing then you can.

OPSEC is obvious. The other concern might be the impact your posts can have on morale.

As I mentioned in an email to you, your company assignment is known to those who know what to look for in order to figure it out. Imagine your PSG does something you disagree with, or makes a mistake, or whatever. If you write how much you think he sucks or that he is an idiot, etc, then it could have a devestating impact on your unit. Others will trumpet your right to be a journalist, your right of free speech, etc, but you aren't a journalist and your job is to be a machine gunner, not a writer. Your commander's job is to do what is in the best interests of the unit, not to ensure accurate reporting. Thus your blogging is not the same as a letter home to a loved one. As you noted you have an enormous readership and that means you could do enormous damage - albeit unintentionally.

So your chain of command wants your PSG to read what you write before posting. That doesn't mean pre-censoring, it means that they want your stuff checked for anything that might damage the unit. My guess is that you don't want to damage your unit, so it will never be an issue.

If the PSG wants to edit for style, or wants to press his political opinions on you, etc - that is a different thing entirely. But I don't think you should worry about that unless it happens. Your Bn CO and Bde CO are not attempting to do that at all.

One thing about your BDE CO, Col. Mike Rounds (that is public info so no OPSEC violation) - he takes the side of a soldier first out of habit. I had a soldier I wanted to punish when I was in Korea. The guy was a drunk, a total problem child, drunk on duty AWOL dirtbag kind of guy. I wrote him up, and blah blah blah a special courtmartial was held with Col (then Maj) Rounds as judge. I asked for the max penalty, and Col. Rounds gave him the minimum. Why? Because I didn't have all of my paperwork done correctly and it came down to my word against the dirtbags - and that was my fault. It wasn't that Col. Rounds didn't believe me, it was because if there was any doubt at all that doubt should be resolved in favor of the soldier. And he was right. The system is there to protect the soldier from abuse, and if an officer doesn't dot every i and cross every t then that is the officer's fault, not the system's. Making it "easier" to max out a soldier's punishment would not be in the best interests of the Army, even though everybody agreed that this guy was a dirtbag that was guilty.

You can trust Mike Rounds to always do what is right for the Army.

Basspastor said...

"I felt more scared now then I did on the 5th of Nov."
I'm glad I wasn't drinking anything at the time, That was a good one.

But it is BS that I had to start a blog to make this comment. You Suck if you now choose to stop writing because it was you who finially made me compromise my principles and start a blog just so I could leave some stupid little comment on your blog. Not that your blog needs more comment makers. You have enough fawning admirers and deserve them all.

What?ever!

BurtB said...

I just got here from
http://www.mudvillegazette.com/archives/001147.html
so in case you are going off the air;

Thank you for your service to your country.
May God bless you and keep you safe.

A little too raw for me, but I am glad your voice is being added to the chorus.

madtom said...

I know what it was.
When I first read the lines, They hit me back like a ton of bricks.
In that post where you said that "we police'em up"
or something to that effect, you directly contradicted the Secretary of Defense's public policy statement.
And till today when I read this, I was afraid to say anything on the comments, so as to not make any trouble, you know I love this site and I believe that what you are doing is revolutionary and will change wars and how we interact, solders-citizens for ever. Blog on CB
I will go read the comments now and see what the other say.

Madtom

TmjUtah said...

I do not have time to read all of the previous comments but in response to your consideration that you may stop your blog I can only ask - respectfully - that you please continue.

Not to provide strangers vicarious gratification through your incredible experiences.

Not for any reader's desire to be informed.

Not to make anybody feel good or, on the flip, to avoid offending anyone.

Write because it makes you whole. Write because it gives you depth and space and perspective and even release.

Think back to the last day before you ever kept a journal. Think of now. Then decide if you can go back.

I am very happy to learn your C.O. is a leader and not just a pay grade. It sounds like he's already earned your respect; you must surely know that is the highest honor any commander can ever hope to obtain.

If I had to guess why your blog received official notice it would be your use of other soldier's names and billets in connection with wounds. That's just my opinion. Having the platoon sergeant check it out sounds like a reasonable defense against inadvertant pain stateside.

Whatever your decision on the blog, know that this is one former Marine (80-88) who has appreciated your sacrifice, bravery, and duty, as well as that of your brothers in the brigade. Your decision to share your experiences and observations is a gift beyond what you have already done.

Thank you. We're praying for you here in Happy Valley.

afb said...

Oh my gosh my heart was pounding. I thought for sure they'd tell you you couldn't blog anymore. Thanks so much for your efforts. I've read your stories but this is my first response. I just wanted to thank you for all the time and effort you've put forth.

best wishes marie

PS: I'm an artist love Picasso's Guernica at the top of the page.

Beck said...

You're a true American, and you have my support, for whatever tiny amount that's worth.

Tammi said...

CB

I can well imagine the fear you were feeling before and during the talk with you BC. But it really does sound like he's impressed and if he wanted you to stop he would have done what has happened to other MilBloggers and just told you to shut 'er down.

Having the material checked is good all around. It keeps any mistakes from happening and it still allows you to write.

You do what's best for you, but what your writing has come to mean to so many, both in the Sand Box and over here, speaks volumes.

Since I'm such an optimist, I'll be watching for your next post.

madtom said...

Well I have read about half way down, and I disagree.
CB has proven in his writing that he understands very well the complexity of what he's doing. And it is his life that is on the line. He's a solder. He knows what's up on the ground.
Give me a break, I think CB has a proven record, and I don't think he need anyone to hold his hand.
Let me read on.

Madtom

Bill Faith said...

Keep writing, please. You and Ginmar are the only way a lot of us back home have of knowing what it's really like over there, and her
brass puts limits on what she can say. It sounds like you have backing in high places, so go with it, please.

Be safe, and tell your buds one more guy back home says "Thanks."

Kevin said...

Losing blog anonymity sucks. Once you know people who can affect your life (for better or worse) are reading your stuff, you start to self-censor. It's impossible not to - I've been there, done that. My blog isn't nearly as interesting now that my family reads it. Well, that and the fact that I'm back in CONUS and no longer in Kuwait.

Once people know who you are and what you're writing, they act differently around you, trying to figure out if you're going to say good or bad things about them, or give you something to write about.

Best bet? Keep writing this blog and start a new blog. Don't tell *anyone* you work with about the new one. This blog can be the "official", slightly cleaned up version, and the new one can be totally raw like this one currently is. That way you'll have all your writing next year. Cause if you don't write it down as it happens, you'll lose it.

You're not fucked.... He likes your shit. As control-freaky as Army officers are (I'm a Navy O so I have issues with them/how the army runs itself), the fact that he is letting you continue means he digs your shit and expects you to continue.
Apparently you've never been to the Army equivalent of XOI or Captains Mast. (which is good) If they are mad at you then don't let you sit down or offer you coffee.

Finally, in this case it's a good thing that he knows who you are. First impressions matter and you hit this one out of the park. I bet he doesn't offer to lend books to his 2nd LT's.

NotClauswitz said...

He was right, the Hunter Thompson movie sucked and the book was better in ways that NO movie could ever begin to approach. He offered to loan you a book? Be sure you follow-up and borrow it, and then remember to return it! :-) Sorry about your lost anonymity, that's a cherry that won't come back, but you gain a depth of experience and it requires a heightened sense of clarity. But keep your head down. Keep writing, it's already better than Swofford's "Jarhead" from the last Gulf war. That was a good book, but his post-war college writing classes/validation exercises began to show through towards the end, and the pandering to writing-class liberals' need to build up and equate WAR with "pornography and violence" got louder too, just to echo what they finally, desperately, wanted to hear but could not let themselves be a part of.

-keith in mtn. view

Cannoneer No. 4 said...

Retrans from R. Scott:This might be my last entry, I haven't decided yet to end this, or continue this. I don't know what to make of all this yet.Keep up the work, it’ll come in handy some day.
When I was in Viet Nam I kept a diary for awhile with the intention of writing a book someday - but then I figured no one would ever believe what they read. I sure wish I still had it. Letters home get lost as well as diaries.
What you have is a concise soldiers eye account of what is happening on nearly a day to day basis. We have a lot of books about the “Big Picture” written by Generals and reporters. Very few by the grunts, and they make the best reading. The idea your Battalion Commander had of using your stuff for the unit histories is a good one. The unit history for the 329th TC (my old unit) was a paragraph stating that we participated in numerous missions - and that covered several years!
By the way - did you get stuck writing up the awards?

Jesse said...

Keep posting, what you are saying is important, if only to the folks who have never been there. Play safe and keep your eye's peeled. js

Unknown said...

I just found out about this blog and have read it up and down tonight..all I have to say is keep the faith and keep writing. It's easy for people to sit here in the States and rail on the war or praise the war efforts, knowing either way we will not be subject to all the elements that go along with it. I'm not much of a sentimental type, but I hope for everyone's sake you keep writing, and I can only hope you and the rest of out troops make it home okay.

Unknown said...

Sweetie I was wrong, your not the Gilman Rock Star.... Your a world Supah Star!

Listen, when i found your blog it sparked a debate with some other bloggers. One blogger, jack, said that we should not link your site, that you should be passed by word of mouth. I obviously didnt agree, i feel that blogs are meant to be read, and that hearing your voice gives us an unbiased opinion on soldier life in Iraq.

Writing should be from the heart, uncensored, and raw. That is what we love about you. Plus your talented as hell. Do not stop writing. If you need to, start another blog under another alias. Or, alternatively, let your Plt Sgt read before you post. He obviously is gonna read it anyway. I know that is kinda censorship and not the punk rock way of doing things, but still im sure he will support 99% of what you write. You should be in the histroy archives. You should be a book, i think you have moved beyond writing for who we talked about. Your definately out of that league now.

Keep you head up, your helmet on, and yes, please keep writing. You are the voice of this generation, and for that We LOVE YOU!

Big, big hugs for you.

xxxooooooooooo

Mike O said...

Please keep writing; I have not seen one thing that could be construed to be a concern to your chain of command. If there had been a *single* thing, you would have heard about it in the meeting. I would think the meeting was to acknowledge you and serve as a gentle (but nerve-wracking) reminder of the responsability of fame :)

If nothing else, there is great value to the effort in Iraq to have such a straight-from-the-hip blog. Too much ra-ra and nobody believes it; yours can be believed and very few of us here don't support the effort.

If you find out anything more about your wounded Lt. (and think it would be postable), let us know. We're all praying for him and the rest of you. Stay sharp, tough and safe.

Navy Doc said...

man...thats some heavy shit. Well, first off, if your BC was gonna fry you, he probably would have said straight out that he wanted you to stop. He obviously enjoys your writing and doesn't want you to stop. I know just from reading that you have a HUGE following out here in the states. Your writing is intriguing to me. I know the whole big thing nowadays about OPSEC and stuff, so I know how it goes.

Think about it and analyze the situation. I know a lot of people would be disappinted if you stopped, especially maybe even your BC.

Keep your head up and helmet on.
Thanks for the Link!
Marc

Unknown said...

Keep writing.

You BC sounds a lot like the type of BC I had when I was in Saudi Arabia, for the first go-around with Iraq. The type of BC who, when he says, "Men, we are going to Hell, and it's a one-way trip", the men say "When do we start, sir?".

Your site is now one of my links on my site, and it is going to be a daily read for me. So, don't stop. Please. Those of us who aren't there need a way to find out what is REALLY going on there, without the media distorting it.

Godspeed and good hunting, Soldier.

Axinar said...

Keep the posts coming -- but we need pics!

firstbrokenangel said...

CB,
I haven't stopped thinking about you all day or night and I realize you're in a connundrum (sp?). You may feel that starting this was a mistake but it certainly was not but as much as we have come to care for you and look forward to your daily posts, your humor, your truthfulness, your journal and you letting us into your life, I understand if you are too nervous to keep this up. Just leave it up for now, so I can print it all out for you, fix spelling errors and send it to your wife to hold onto because it will be invaluable some day and that some day will be soon.

If you really feel this is going to cause you a problem or you don't feel you can keep up your journal publicly, we will lose out but most importantly, we don't want you in any trouble and I know for a fact that if President Bush knew about this, he would vouch for you. But this is a decision YOU have to make. But there is a way around it, so listen carefully. Make sure your wife prints out everything and I mean everything. If you feel you have to stop, just stop publishing but keep on writing and have your wife or someone who can help you put it together someday. Keep writing and send your posts to that one person who will take good care of it. This way here you still get to keep writing, just don't publish it on the internet. That's all. It's a compromise, I know but this way here you are still getting it out, still getting it out of your system, using your own form of therapy to deal with the day in and day out stuff, your experiences and someone who can give you the emotional, psychological and morale support you need and get from writing your posts. You can use me, even, that's fine. Write, send it, it's that simple. If your wife can handle it, then send her your daily journals. You're not fucked, trust me but it would be a damn shame for all of this to go to waste, so don't let it. Pick someone and send the journal to them. Let them print it out, fix any errors and have it ready for you when you do get home safe and sound. Trust in me when I say it will be published. You have an excellent gift, like I had once, and I lost it due to illness and disabilities. Doesn't mean I don't know what I'm doing or how to do it,I just can no longer get the words out. I haven't been so passionate about anything since your words found me. Leave the site up, so at least I can get a chance to print it out, I'd hate to see good work go to waste. If your wife can handle it, have her print it all out too - including all the comments because they are invaluable. And everytime you sit down at the computer, write, get it out of your system, send it to her (or at least somebody) to hold your words for you. The only thing that will be missing is all the love,all the support, all the caring and advice and everything I have read from the comments from now on. They are precious and that makes it even better than it is. Your work is excellent. You actually write in such a way you pull us in with you so that we experience what you did, just not with bullets flying by our heads. :-) But I do understand if you are so nervous about it, that you do not want to keep the blog running. Keep it running for awhile, things are getting dicey over there and you have an invaluable piece to play but mostly I don't want this on your mind so that it endangers your concentration. So even though you stop publishing here and won't have that support that's been giving you and all our troops over there protecting us from the vileness of evil, that is okay. But don't stop writing. Write all you want, send it to your wife or somebody else to hold so at least you have it available to you. You took the ride and even if you have to take a left turn right now, at least your written material will be available to you, as well as all the comments. Like I said, they are invaluable.

And if that is what you decide to do, just do all of us one favor - say hi once in awhile so we know you are okay? Really, you've been adopted by everyone in the states and from some of the comments, those in Iraq as well. You have a gift, dont waste it even if we can't share it with you right now - but we will later when you are safely home. In the meantime, and I know I'm repeating (again) keep the information, send your daily journal to someone or your wife, whomever you trust with it, but don't stop writing. If you're scared and have decided you don't want to do this anymore, save what you have but continue writing your journal anyway so you can put it all together again one day.

As much as we appreciate you, you have to think about what's best for you and if you feel that publishing your journal is too much of an interference, right now, I think we all would understand. I know I do, but keep writing anyway, just don't publish on the site if that makes you feel better.

Okay? Okay.

Be safe always, you'll always be in my prayers and in my thoughts, as I'm sure you will be with everyone who's been a part of this, and what you have to say is so important, so save it so you can do something about it after you return home safe and sound and get readjusted to life.

Don't lose that sense of humor either, that's what has kept you going all this time, so hang on tight with that as well. God Bless you, CB, but do stay in touch no matter what the circumstances. OKey Dokey?? :-)

Hugs,

~Cindy Callahan

Sean Dustman said...

CB,

My guys are enjoying you accounts, my CO has known about mine for a while but I haven't gone into as much detail into what we're doing as you have. Your writing kicks ass and I'll keep following you, you're the best of us out here right now and that's speaking as a fellow milblogger, well there was Jason from Just Another Soldier but his commander shut him down. Take care and hope you keep writing, don't let the comments get to your head and make your blog into a job, do it because you enjoy it.

Sean Dustman said...

PS I hope I wasn't one of the nauseating blogs, you should do a google search on you blog, a lot of people are talking about you.

Scott Valley Girl said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Chris Ness said...

Again, this blog means so much to so many people, it gives us a view of what you think. People here are protesting, saying "Send those kids home" but you aren't saying that. You know you are doing some good there, this is a view the media hasn't shown.
If you need support, feel free to ask, there are more than enough people here who would gladly fill your coffers for you. Thank you again.

Scott Valley Girl said...

to clarify... I meant the lawyer to advise you as to any offers you may get for movies, books, etc.

Follow your heart, good sense, and advice of your commanders about the rest.

Jaraparilla said...

George Orwell said:

"If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear."Personally I think you should request a transfer to Hawaii where you can write in peace without killing innocent Iraqis.

Helen said...

Man, don't stop. Your blog is the best. Your prose style is really immediate, and you bring your reader into the war and onto the battlefield with you. That is priceless. Keep going.

Jim Kenefick said...

I'm BEGGING you, don't stop writing the blog. Your point of view is desperately needed. Real news from real soldiers is sorely needed to combat the ration of shit that gets served up to America every single day by Old Media.

Your voice is needed. Your service is already asking too much of you, and we have no right to ask even more, but your blog is *actually* making a difference. Please continue it.

Stay safe and keep your head down.

Journey said...

I'm a 9/11 survivor and I need to read your blog. I need to read for my friends who didn't make it. I need to read it for those who are surviving with the first attack still in their head [inclucing me]. I need to read it to be reassured that you and I, who now stand as witnesses to this war, are working hard to leave it a better, safer place for all in this new world. I read it because just as I began blogging to keep my sanity, I know you're blogging to keep your sanity too, and while on this journey we explore a life and make a journey of emotional and psychological places yet undiscovered.

So please, do what you must, but continue to write even if it's in a marble notebook. You will remain in my thoughts and prayers until you and your battalion return home! God bless you all!

Gordo282 said...

CB--

Good luck on your choice to continue writing or not--after all, it IS your choice.

Your writing is great to read. I am a UH60 pilot who was in OIF1 and as weird as it sounds I always feel some weird desire to go back (you will feel it once you leave too). So, your writing helps settle part of that desire.

To me, it seems that it will be hard to maintain the level of candor that you previously had because now people, your buddies, know who you are and will read it then confront you about what you wrote. Of course, you will think that you are going to continue to write the same way but I think it will be hard (for anyone) to maintain what you had when it was more of an anonymous thing.

Writer n Journalist said...

Don't end your blog too soon! I have referenced your blog in an entry of my blog under the topic 'Blogging' and is currently awaiting a yet-to-be published article that also mentions your blog. The magazine is due to release only in Sep/Oct 2004, so don't quit your blog now!

ewtotel said...

FIRST ... I began reading, scared that your blog was being shut down. THEN I was relieved, reading that they weren't shutting you down. FINALLY I was again worried that you might shut the blog down on your own.

Whatever you decide... thanks for all you've done so far.

The Motor City said...

If you quit, I will personally fly to Iraq and shoot you myself. Keep up the good work!

Anonymous said...

Sitting here reading all these comments, you've aquired quite a following, CB. Congrats...I think.

Knowing there may be a delay in your posts going forward brings to mind the movie 'Good Morning Vietnam'. Remember those two censorship twins that were always crossing out the news before Robin Williams could read it? Got that image of your posts being reviewed before we could see them and it made me laugh. Hope all is well with you, bud.

firstbrokenangel said...

172 comments - all great, every one of them.

I think I'm going to cry. As a matter of fact, I am.

~ C

Dan L said...

I just started reading your stuff, after boingboing.com
or metafilter.com pointed toward your Men In Black
entry. I suspect that your CO or someone up the command
chain reads one of those two also, which I think is
good.
I read some other soldier blogs, and I learn stuff that
you just can't get out of the mass media. You're a
media of one!
You'll know if you can keep writing, after the first
few entries run through your CO. He sounds like a right
guy.

Charlie said...

CB,
I was a bit nervous when I first started reading your post, I thought I could see where it was headed. Glad to see I was completely wrong. Your battalion commander sounds like a hell of a leader. If you decide to knock it off, I'll respect your decision because I know how unnerving it can be for someone in your position to have brigade-level attention. If this blog starts to become too much of a drain because of that, then dump it and focus on getting your soldiers and yourself home safely. Keep your head up and your ass down.

... said...

Hey man--

Fortunate that it worked out the way it did with the Colonel. As far as I know, no one in my battalion knows about my blog, and I'm happy enough for it to stay that way. It's great that you've got literary agents hunting you down, though! I really like what you're doing; keep it up.

Cigarette Smoking Man from the X-Files said...

I hate to dogpile on top of the 185+ other comments on here (this must wipe out your entire day off?), but I just wanted to say that it does nothing but good for our country and for the troops for you to give your perspective on events going on "on the ground" in Mosul. It lets the world know that our troops aren't murdering babies and slitting women open with their bayonets; it sets the news media straight on things they got wrong (as they often do), and it lets the higher-ups know what's going on from a troop's eye view to give them a better idea of how they can support your effort.

I hope you'll see this as more than just a way to pass your time, the way it's gotten now. Don't forget HST's own words: buy the ticket, take the ride! Don't let the "Bad Craziness" get to you!

Tom said...

Let me add my vote:

KEEP WRITING!

You're providing a service money literally cannot buy. So long as you're not getting yourself into hot water...KEEP WRITING.

Thanks for all your work thus far in the in the future.

Tom

Em said...

Cbftw's wife -
so sweet! Bless you for being on the otherside of all this. I cant imagine what strength you have to be in that position. best wishes, love and prayers to you both.

firstbrokenangel said...

"These words I write to keep me from total madness."
-Charles Bukowski

That's why it is so important for you to keep writing - and they will let you keep writing. The comments are so invaluable, CB and wife. You took the keys and went for a ride; keep riding and keep writing. Your wife can print everything out at home - everything - and when you get safely back home, you can work on your beginning and your ending and you've got it. If you look through all your posts, there are no names, no anything - nothing about anyone that would cause any problem. So keep writing but you know, the comments make it an even better piece of work and you have so many people behind you. It'll be allright, not like you giving out secrets or people's names that you've picked up. You, your wife, your family, all have the country - and people that aren't from our country, behind you and every soldier out there. So take a deep breath, relax, and just keep sharing. It's Wednesday and I miss it already, as I'm sure everyone does. It's going to be okay and even though you had no idea what kind of impact you were going to have on the world, grab onto it and just do the best you can with it - who knows where it will take you? Well worth the risk, soldier!! I used to read a book a day, now nothing gets my attention except your words and those who respond back. I thank you for everything you are doing for your country and your whole battalian for keeping us safe and helping the Iraqi's out, if only the rest of the world and religious zealots would stay out of it. But we are here, for you, your wife, your family, your friends and all your buddies there. Never forget that - and once you started writing your journal, you just should not stop. I hope your friend is okay, too. Stay safe and I hope to see you on here again soon, when you're no longer afraid. You have a gift you didn't realize you had and that can be overwhelming in itself but I hope that you, your crew, your bosses realize that what you have to say is not only invaluable in every way but is also the best therapy in the world, so don't give it up. If for now, you need to send it only to your wife, then do so until you feel comfortable again in publishing here on the internet. I will surely miss it and you are the one who has brought it home to all of us and we are behind you all the way. Never forget that. Maybe someday you and your wife can travel cross country and visit a lot of us. Lots of hugs!! If it's necessary for someone else to take your work and publish it on their blog, consider it, okay? And let us know you are okay, that's really important to all who have been following you from the beginning. I know I'd appreciate it. Again, take a deep breath, relax and let your fingers do the talking. You got it made!!

~ C

firstbrokenangel said...

Your wife sounds great and she's right, too.

~ C in NH

Jason said...

Hey, CB,

I was a warblogger in an infantry unit in Ramadi from November 2003 until I went home in March 04.

A few ideas to help cover your six:

Ask for an appointment or a phone call with the Public Affairs Officer for your brigade. (you might CC your PL or 1SG and Platoon Sergeant or even your CO, so they can see you're making an effort.) Ask them for the "ground rules" that they give to any embedded reporter. Because, in a way, that's what you are.

Here's what they'll tell you:

1.) Don't discuss upcoming operations.

2.) Don't discuss detainees by name or show any identifiable photographs of detainees.

3.) Don't mention specific numbers of soldiers. But you can say "a platoon" or "a squad," or "a company," or use other terms like "scores of soldiers" or "dozens of soldiers."

4.) Don't directly criticize the chain of command, by name. You can say "logistics are fucked up," but don't say "Captain so-and-so, the S4, is an incompetent boob, just like the moron who put him there."

That rule applies straight up to the president.

That's it. That's the ground rules they gave me when I set out to cover my own skin. Simple as a grenade toss.

The idea is this: by knowing the guidelines, you'll stay out of trouble and won't have any UCMJ problems.

A word about libel laws: don't mention specific names and make it impossible to determine the object's identity from his duty position and you should be ok. In order for someone to make a libel suit stick, he's got to prove damages. And if he can't be ID'd, he can't prove damages. (you might have Soldier's and Sailor's Act protection).

There will be times when maybe the other guys in the unit don't care for what you write, but that's another matter. All honest reporters run into that once in a while, and it's no big deal.

DON'T accept donations to the blog. If you write something the chain of command doesn't like, they can't shut you down for that reason alone (other than if you violate regs mentioned above.) But they COULD shut you down if you accepted any compensation as a result of the blog, depending on how they defined "off duty time"

Remember, your first loyalty is to the mission. If the blog interferes with the mission, take a break. There's no shame in that.

But from what you wrote here, and from the general scope of your excellent blog, I don't expect you'll have any UCMJ problems, as long as you keep the chain of command in the loop with your correspondence with the PAO, and stay within those common sense guidelines.

Keep it up, trooper. You're doing good.

Jason Van Steenwyk, 1LT, IN
www.iraqnow.blogspot.com
OIF 1, April 03-March 2004

Vee said...

I can understand that having someone check your writing will disrupt your flow and that will change this blog. Maybe you can set up another blog for your personal anonymous writing to satisfy that personal need but know that you have grown beyond what you started and you are doing a service for all of us who need to know what you are writing. Continuing the blog will make you a pro.

Please keep blogging for us.

pacos_gal said...

Hi CB,
Guess there is nothing like a little pressure to really screw up your day.

I don't know what you'll decide to do in the end since having to show your thoughts to someone else that knows who you are and now is going to know exactly what you think probably would totally suck, especially since you work with and for them.

On the other hand though, its something that obviously you are very good at and who knows where it will lead you in your life.

I started reading your blog ages ago, since I found it not long after you started writing. Its very good. Its honest and what you say seems to be exactly what you think and feel about whatever given topic you are writing about that day. That in itself is worth alot.

So, I want to thank you for what you've written so far and for letting us see a bit of what your life is like and what you go through on a daily basis.
Hopefully you'll find it worth continuing and if not, thanks again.

Frank S. said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Ward said...

Keep on writing unless/until given a direct order from your CO.

This is good stuff you're doing.

Lundo said...

Oh man, I was sweating along with you as you waited to talk to BC. He's a good man to appreciate the view you're sharing with the world. I've been reading your stuff every day for weeks, and sending the link to friends. But now I've saved your monthly archives to my disk just in case. You might have seen Citizen Smash's advice, and you seem to have been following those rules alright. So write on, brother!!!

gimma said...

I was just given this link (which I am now passing on to others) and have been reading your creation in awe. I'm looking forward to returning for more...please keep it up!

Em said...

Will -
If CB is a fake, he's done a damn good job of responding back a sincere thank you from the package we sent him in Iraq over a month ago. WE can also vouch that this is a real person, in the military with a military address in Iraq.
Its good to point out questions of these sorts, but only first after you have done a little research. You should try and figure out what you can before assuming this is fake and then posting a stupid comment that everyone will read, and than possibly wonder themselves, on His blog. I hate to sound mean, but I find this comment to be offensive to someone who is writing of his expereince for all of us, including you, to read in the safety of your own home.

Corsair, The Mostly Harmless said...

To the BC/Col in charge of this kid.. PLEASE let him continue to blog. We all understand the need for OpSec, but dammit, we also need to hear whats happening from the boots on the ground point of view. The media sure as hell isn't going to give us that. What we hear from them is "all the news that's print to fit." Let us hear the real stories, warts and all...

Keep the Faith..

Larry Anderson
Rochester, MN

Peri said...

You are the voice of every husband, brother, father that can not call home each day. You give us insight and real information on how our friends and family spend their days. For that alone, this blog is invaluable and I thank you. And when you meet that next FNG, remember that he might just be my brother in 2ID on the way over there to relieve some of you. :) Thanks for telling it like it is. Keep on keeping on.

Cheers!

God Hates Kittens said...

I can see why he would be a little reluctant to post knowing it has to be proof read before posting (takes some of the fun out of it) and seeing its popularity I can imagine that there may be allot of stress from people expectations from him. Of course he could just be really busy or maybe got in a new girlie magazine or something (that keeps me busy sometimes).

Keep 'em coming and take care.

Fayrouz said...

Please, continue writing in your blog.

Stay safe.

madtom said...

http://cbftw.blogspot.com/2004/08/im-soo-fucked.html#109229095379231376
"To the concerned government officials reading this -
"
I agree, and would like to associate myself with your comments

Madtom

kat said...

You keep writing. You need to pursue a book. You're account of what is going on is real and people need to know what is going on.

Stay safe and Godspeed.

Followers